Monday, May 4, 2009

The winds of change.

Its tough to experience change. Its part of our lives, and it never stops. There is always something changing, forming, bringing something new into our lives. Sometimes change is painful, stressful, and hard. Sometimes its unexpected, unpredictable or sudden. From early childhood everything changes, we mature, finish school, fall in love, get married, get pregnant and have babies. It all brings change to us, sometimes its happy change like having a baby, sometimes its sad, like leaving the baby in the babysitters hands while you go back to work. This is the change I am going through or will be going through next week. The emotions are so strong its overwhelming. I feel stressed, scared, not sure if I should leave my 4 month old child with the babysitter. Will she be getting her naps, will she be fed? Will her diaper be changed? will she be held and rocked and kissed? And loved. Only I can do that. Only I can feel what she needs at every moment of her little life. Will this scar her for life? The funny thing is this is my 3rd child, and I went through the same emotions with the 1st two girls. I was worried sick. I was depressed for a month. I couldn’t eat. I cried driving to work each day for a long time. I flew home after each workday missing them so- so much. I felt like such a bad parent. I felt stressed and torn with working full time and having a house to keep, and children to raise, and a husband to love. That could be a little too much to handle. I survived the first 2 times. Will I survive with this 3rd child? I assume I will too, as soon as I adjust and get used to it. The human race can get used to anything, it just takes time.

I believe the change lets us grow into a stronger, smarter person. Its all in how we handle difficult times, how we go through our days, how we learn and respond to change. I cant blame my husband for not earning enough money to support me and my kids. I cant complain and be bitter at life. God is in charge. He knows my heart, my sadness, my worries. He knows what path I am going to embark on and He knows where the rocks are that will make me stumble and fall. That’s why I need to hold on to His hand and not let go, have my heart and eyes on Him only and I will survive. We will get through this.

So let the winds of change blow over the path in my life. The dust will not blind me, God’s healing rain will grow flowers in my path. Will you pray for me?


  1. Bless your heart. I could never do that! I hope that is not something God has in store for me.

  2. I am sad for you that you have to go through that, May God give you strength and wisdom and patience. I pray that He will do His miracle and you wont have to leave your babies at home while you work. God bless you.

  3. Is today the day you went back to work?
    I hope it went okay... I remember it being such a hard, hard day.


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