Sunday, May 31, 2009
Here on earth we have such lovely things to see, I cant imagine how it is going to be more lovelier when we go to heaven. I bet the garden of Eden was more beautiful than anything we have now on earth.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Today God is putting on my heart to talk about babies. Well not really babies, but a woman's womb. Strange topic? We will see.
When the LORD saw that Leah was not loved, he opened her womb, but Rachel was barren.
Then God remembered Rachel; he listened to her and opened her womb.
Because of your father's God, who helps you, because of the Almighty, who blesses you with blessings of the heavens above, blessings of the deep that lies below, blessings of the breast and womb.
But to Hannah he gave a double portion because he loved her, and the LORD had closed her womb.
Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised.
For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.
This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, who formed you in the womb: I am the LORD, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself.
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.
Isaac prayed to the LORD on behalf of his wife, because she was barren. The LORD answered his prayer, and his wife Rebekah became pregnant.
He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the LORD.
It is God who closes our wombs, and who opens it. He is the one who blesses us with children. He is the one who created us and knows how we are made, what we go through when we are pregnant, how it is to go through labor, how it is to love a tiny human being. He knows. He knows me, and He knows you!
Friday, May 29, 2009
"Gray hair is a crown of glory. It is attained by a life of righteousness."
"Standing behind at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears, and she wiped them with the hair of her head, kissed his feet, and anointed them with the ointment."
I guess if I have short hair I wont have the pleasure of doing what Mary did for Jesus.
"But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her, for her hair is given to her for a covering."
It just made me think. Made me think twice about cutting my hair. :))
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
The world is a scary place sometimes. With all the things we hear on the news. Floods, hurricanes, poor economy, unemployment, people lousing their houses, living in tent cities. The murders, the kidnappings. It makes me really anxious sometimes. These are the tough times of the end of days. I wonder how it was when my grandparents lived? Was it easier to raise kids back then? I remember my grandparents always told me how they never locked their doors and left car keys in the ignition. How it was OK to leave your kids in the car and ran to the store. How it was OK to discipline your kids, and not worry that someone will think you are abusing them and call the child protective services. Lately watching the news and just hearing rumors about the economy falling into a ditch, and that there could be a big flood coming to cover the western states. The possibility of starvation and famine. It makes my heart palpitate. I know we are not to worry about tomorrow, but sometimes I cant help but worry.
I believe these are the last days before Jesus' returns for us. We just need to be prepared for his second coming, to always be ready, to have our lamps lit and full of oil. Not to be asleep.
Some countries don’t have the rich food that we have here in this country. My parents left for United States when I was 11. I was a child and didn’t really know why we had to leave. My dad was looking for a Christian country were he could live in peace and not be prosecuted for being a Christian. I do remember when I was in 4Th grade I was ridiculed because I was a child of Christians. My parents told me that Christian teenagers were given unfair treatment, and couldn't’t apply for college because they would be refused service. Can you believe it? Living here, in this country and being able to finish school, go to college, and have a decent job… is a dream come true. To be able to practice being a Christian, go to church, and not be prosecuted for it, is amazing to my parents and me. A lot of people who moved here from different countries forget why they came here, the freedom is mind-boggling. A lot of teenagers and including their parents don’t even go to church anymore. A lot of them are blaming America for being so liberal so carefree, so peaceful. A lot of them forgot that their grandparents or possibly even parents were prosecuted for being a Christian, was made fun of being one. Oh, how easy it is to forget the bad, and start blaming something else for our mistakes.
Looking around me, I see a lot of married couples getting divorced. A lot of young wives don’t know how to be good, submissive wives. A lot of husbands don’t know how to be leaders in the family. Parents don’t know how to raise their children, and then wonder why their kids are turning out in jail, drunk, abusive to others.
Lately God is troubling my heart and soul a lot, to pray for my kids. To pray constantly, to live a holy life, to prepare my soul for the end of days, to have a big supply of oil on hand, for when the night comes, it will be too late to look for light, too late to look for oil. God doesn’t want us to be unconcerned or unprepared about the future of our children and of about ourselves. Read Matthew 25:1-13, you see I want to be the wise woman like the ones in this story, and not the foolish ones who weren't ready for the bridegroom.
"You also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect Him." Luke 12:40
Are you expecting Him?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Some people don't see God, but I see Him in his amazing creation.
Some people don't feel God, but I feel Him in my heart, and in my life.
Some people forget about reading his Word, forget to pray, don't go to church, forget to delight in Him. Sometimes I forget, I get too busy, too tired, too into other pleasures. So, today I am reminding myself to read the bible, to delight in the Lord, to praise Him, to thank Him, to seek His face.
Some of the scriptures I choose for today:
'The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me n paths of righteousness for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. ' Psalm 23:1-4
'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.' Proverbs 3:5
'The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few.' Matthew 9:37
'Everything is permissible- but not everything is beneficial. Everything is permissible- but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.' 1 Corinthians 10:23-24
A lot of the bible is so beneficial for my everyday life. It really is the book of life. May God bless you and keep you safe this Saturday.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
2. I like to drink a cup of coffee with cream and sugar every morning.
3. I like eating all kinds of fruits, there is not a single one I dont like. But I forget to eat them everyday.
4. I hang my bed sheets outside to dry, after I wash them. I like the fresh smell when I fall asleep.
5. I like water. I like to swim. Anywhere. Bathtub, pool, stream, river, lake, ocean.
6. I hate pain. I am proud that I gave birth to two of my girls naturally. :)
7. I love to work outside the home, but would rather stay home and do housework, and be with my kids. (and possibly try homeschooling?)
8. I love nature, God made everything so unique. Even a blade of glass, a bud of a rose, a tiny drop of dew, the drama of clouds and light and darkness.
9. I hate noise. But love the thunder and rain. The wind.
10. I drink tea all day long, even in the hot of summer. There is just something comforting in a cup of hot tea.
11. I love to read, but didn't get to read anything interesting lately. Give me some suggestions. :)
12. I love my kids. Sometimes it hurts how much I love them. My girls are such a blessing to me.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life, to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories of the moment of the last parting?
The white Cinderella dress. The lovely gossamer veil. The white satin shoes. The special bouquet of flowers. The walk down the aisle. The ‘I do's’… The forever after.
What makes a man and a woman fall in love, get married and have children? Everyone I know are always either looking for that perfect mate, already in a relationship, or married. That’s how God made us, we need to love and be loved. To be desired. Most of us want to have a little child, our offspring. Most of us found that perfect someone to share their life with. Some people are still looking. Others cant find that one perfect person, with all the qualities they must have.
Its so special how we fall in love. The most common way for a man and a woman to get married, is when they fall in love. Sweet love. How long does it last? Forever? Like it says in the bible Love never fails.
But so many people are having marriage problems. Why is that?
This month its my 9 year marriage anniversary. Its amazing how the years just flew by, and now 9 years and 3 kids later we are still together. We had our precious, joyful moments. And we had our rough patches. Its funny sometimes to look back at myself as the young girl who got married, with stars in her eyes, and hopes for a future filled with everlasting happiness. I believe most of us feel like that, we are just unprepared for the dry patches in our garden of love, of harsh words, of selfishness, or not understanding the person you married to. As a christian its against my upbringing to divorce, unless he cheats on me, so no matter how the rough patches are rubbing me, or how upset I am at my husband I still have to stick it out, get help, or work on it myself.
The books that opened my eyes are called:
‘Woman- aware and choosing’, by Betty Coble. & ‘Fascinating womanhood’, by Helen Andelin. Some aspects of the books I don’t really agree on, but the whole concept is amazing. Try and read for yourself, it can never hurt. I wish all of you are having great marriages. Let me know how you handle the dry patches....
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I am thankful that it is a Thursday, and its almost over! One more day to work, and then I will be home with my girls for the weekend.
I am thankful today is a beautiful, sunny day... and should be over 90 degrees on Sunday, and we have a brand new, blow-up pool for our kids as a surprise....:)
I am thankful that God loves me, and that I can praise Him even when I am sad.
I am thankful that I am eating a honey cake, with a cream cheese frosting. And drinking... my peppermint tea...(Who said, we all have to be skinny anyway? and no, I am not drinking alcohol, still nursing my 4 month old)
I am thankful that every day it is easier and easier to leave my kids in daycare. The heart doesn't bleed as much.
I am thankful for everyone who reads my blog, and leaves comments for me to read. :))) I love it. It sure helped this week...
What are you thankful for, today?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I woke up at 2 am this morning. Unable to fall asleep, I lay there crying, praying, thinking about my little baby being cared for by a babysitter. I lay there in the darkness, listening to my baby's soft breath as she slept in her little, white bassinet... and I wondered 'why?'
Why does God want me to walk this rocky road of leaving my baby for a full day of work... how can she survive, how can I survive? Why do I need to go this way again, she is my 3rd baby girl and I had to leave the other two when they turned 4 months, and now her.. Why? What is the lesson here? I kept asking the dark night... please answer me my Lord... the night was quiet.
On Monday was my last day home, and I cherished the day with my girls. The wonderful stories my 4 year old can tell me and the questions that she asks to broaden her world. The funny way my 2 year old says her words and the crying/demanding stage that she is going through now. The sweet baby in my arms, nursing and smiling in happiness at me. I prepared the things I would need to have ready for today, like the pump for pumping breast milk. My purse, and all the clothes ready for my girls and myself. My heart was so heavy, I wanted to cry, I was feeling out of breath like I was getting an anxiety attack. Nothing I did brought me comfort, not even reading every body's 'not me Mondays'.... After the kids went to bed, I asked God, what He was trying to teach me, for I know nothing happens just because. There is always a lesson in our daily life. I needed to know if God is telling me something. If He will show me a sign. To show me that He loves me. I started reading Psalm 33...
'Sing joyfully to the lord... sing to him a new song', I felt so sad, and he wants me to sing? To praise Him? I don't know if I could.
'From heaven the Lord looks down and sees all mankind; from his dwelling place he watches all who live on earth- he who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do.' He formed my heart? that's a comfort... I thought maybe I love to deep, I care to strongly, I am so attached to my children. Maybe feeling like this is not normal, maybe I am just too selfish.
'I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.'
'The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. The righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all...'
Such beautiful promises, but my faith is so weak... its hard for me to believe. I wonder if this is the way my Lord wants to teach me to trust in Him. To increase my faith in Him. His promises kept dancing in my mind as I tried to sleep.
It was hard today to go to work. Don't get me wrong, I like where I work, my coworkers are great, but I would rather be home with my girls than at work. It felt empty to me, useless. The baby was crying with the babysitter and would not calm down. I drove to see her on my break, and left early to go home.. it was just too hard for me emotionally and physically. I don't know, maybe I am just over dramatic, but today was just not a good day for me.
I hope tomorrow will be better, and I am still looking for answers to all my questions. Still looking for the light in this dark tunnel.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I am thankful to my Lord everyday of my life, but today on a Thursday I will make it the official day for Praise.
Today I want to thank God for the gifts He bestowed on me.
The gift of love, of hope, of kindness.
The gift of life, of birth, of redemption and salvation.
The gift of family, a husband, and sweet children.
The gift of shelter, transportation and clothes.
The gift of breath, of health, and sight.
What are you thankful for today?
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
That's the only thing my hubby couldn't fix. He took the video player apart, put it back together, and nope still not working.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
Its tough to experience change. Its part of our lives, and it never stops. There is always something changing, forming, bringing something new into our lives. Sometimes change is painful, stressful, and hard. Sometimes its unexpected, unpredictable or sudden. From early childhood everything changes, we mature, finish school, fall in love, get married, get pregnant and have babies. It all brings change to us, sometimes its happy change like having a baby, sometimes its sad, like leaving the baby in the babysitters hands while you go back to work. This is the change I am going through or will be going through next week. The emotions are so strong its overwhelming. I feel stressed, scared, not sure if I should leave my 4 month old child with the babysitter. Will she be getting her naps, will she be fed? Will her diaper be changed? will she be held and rocked and kissed? And loved. Only I can do that. Only I can feel what she needs at every moment of her little life. Will this scar her for life? The funny thing is this is my 3rd child, and I went through the same emotions with the 1st two girls. I was worried sick. I was depressed for a month. I couldn’t eat. I cried driving to work each day for a long time. I flew home after each workday missing them so- so much. I felt like such a bad parent. I felt stressed and torn with working full time and having a house to keep, and children to raise, and a husband to love. That could be a little too much to handle. I survived the first 2 times. Will I survive with this 3rd child? I assume I will too, as soon as I adjust and get used to it. The human race can get used to anything, it just takes time.
Sunday, May 3, 2009
So, we had 4 people come to our house on Friday to eat dinner, and I was still OK. Then on Saturday we had a big get together at our house and we had about 25 people with kids. That's when the confusion started setting in. My mind just doesn't want to function when there is too much noise, kids running around crazy, food to be prepared and served. To top it off my almost 4 month old was cranky. Thank God for my sister in law who helped me, without her I would probably just sit down and start crying. Of course she is the kind of person who makes messes as she helps you, but I can deal with messes. The whole lunch get together went fine, I survived. Its the after 8pm I couldn't deal with anymore. Another bunch of people came in, the noise, the commotion... oh I just don't like it, when there are so so so many people all at the same time. I was afraid that they would all wake up my baby, who I nursed to sleep 3 times already. The kids were loud and since it was raining all day, they had cabin fever, and didn't know what to do with themselves, and my hubby was asking me what we can feed these people who came for a visit. Like 10 more people! I was like well, we don't have anything from lunch, and I guess I can cook up something easy like spaghetti with tomato sauce, and make a salad... but my mind was shutting down. Is that weird or what? I just couldn't function with all the commotion and the craziness. Finally my relatives decided to just order pizza, which was nice. I didn't have to cook. Did you know I am not a fan of cooking large portions of anything? I am not a fan of cooking, period.
Finally the people left. 10:30pm... oh blessed silence. I love it. I love the quiet, the peace, my kids sleeping... no one is waking up the baby, finally I can breathe. Thinking back, I guess I have claustrophobia, or something that resembles it. When there are a lot of people in one small space I get almost ill. I was hopping to go to the ocean today, but the weather has changed and its raining 'cats and dogs', and the wind is very strong. Yes, it is raining here in California in May, wow, so unusual. So, I guess we are not going anywhere, but as long as I don't have any company today I believe I will be fine. Is this a weird feeling that I experience? Am I normal? Maybe I should go talk to my doctor? Maybe, I need company in small doses and far in between?