We had some amazing days of rain, which we desperately need, the dry earth soaked up the moisture like a sponge, and as I was sitting in my garden my shoes caked with fresh mud, I wondered where God was.
I prayed for wisdom, and I prayed for Him to come and guide me, to be my Savior. But nothing happened, and as I sat staring at the little seedlings, that were growing, worrying that they would not survive the hard rain that we had, I realized that sometimes God needs to soak our hard hearts with moisture, so the seeds He will put in will be able to grow.
Later that day I was putting my little girls to sleep, and I was having a hard time in doing so, they were just so hyper and full of energy, and just would not go to sleep. They laughed, giggled, screamed, complained, cried, cried some more. They wanted water, then milk, then my toddler wet the bed, somehow, I have no idea how, but the diaper did not hold it. I got mad as I changed the bedding, changed her pajamas, and threw the wet diaper on the floor in frustration, which spilled all the wet smelly guts out on my carpet, just imagine my frustration mountain as I had to pick up every little wet shred. Finally they were in bed, and I went to put my infant to sleep nursing her in my bed, when I heard the oldest of two girls open her bedroom door as she announced loudly that she is going to the bathroom, the little one followed her, but instead of to the bathroom she opened my door where I almost nursed the baby to sleep, apparently my husband didn’t see them going as he was watching the news. That’s when I really got angry and screamed at the kids.
Later when I was finally able to go to sleep myself, I realized that God showed me my inner self, and how upset and angry I got. How can God live in my heart which was full of turmoil, anger. How can I feel His holy presence while I was a sinner. That actually made me happy, God wasn’t ignoring my prayer, He is here, He does want to live in my heart, and He is showing me what I have to change for Him to act in my life.
I prayed and asked for My Lord to help me overcome my anger. To feel peace, and to love my kids without getting angry and frustrated. Is that even possible?
I wonder what God will show me next, cant wait. :) :)
'Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.' (Ephesians 4:31) NLT
'Beloved , be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in gods sight.' (James 1:19) NLT
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Somehow we are all united like that, in motherhood. We let stress and emotion rule us, we get angry and defensive, and sometimes allow depression and bitterness rule us. We could be letting our good moments slip away with every harsh word we say, thats what I personally realised. It is importnant to remember, what will our children remember when they grow up? Because children are like seedlings too, desperate for the sun and rain: love and attention. And you are right, to be a good mother and wife, we first need to be a good Christian.
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