Seeking God.

My Lord, where are you? My soul needs You. I need to find You.
‘O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary.’ Ps. 63:1-2
This verse perfectly describes my longing for God.
But how do I find Him, where do I look? You’ll be amazed to know that I was born into a Christian family and went to church every week, was baptized, and married a Christian man. I even remember when I was a teenager I gave my heart to Jesus. So why am I looking for Him, don’t I know where He is? How can I not know, I am a Christian. I know that I need to read the bible to find the answers, so that’s where I will start looking for the Greatest God ever. When I was a teenager I remember feeling Him near me, so I know the feeling of having a relationship with Him, and I want it back. How did I lose it? I don’t really know, through all the years of working, being a wife, of having my 3 little girls, and finally looking around me, and I am alone, He is not near me anymore… and it’s a scary feeling, a lonesome feeling. I want to be near His holiness again, I want to feel His presence around me, His amazing love.
This is how I am on this quest to find my God, my Savior. Yesterday I asked Lord Jesus to guide me into His presence again, to feel His amazing love again, for Him to teach me about my life and to show me His Holiness. To make me His servant so I can be of use to Him. To tell you the truth I am really scared, because I don’t want him to touch my life, or my husband, or my children. But being a coward will not stop me from seeking the Lord, and I lay my all at His feet.
Maybe someone else is looking for a meaning in this life, looking for God, then maybe we can seek together.
It is raining outside my window today, and I pray for God to send rain for my soul, so it can bring forth fruit, and not be barren. (Did I tell you that I am scared?)
I was reading the Audrey-Caroline story, which touched me deeply. The story showed me how near God was to Audrey’s mom, how he is directing her life into His grand plan. I want to feel that too. His nearness, His holiness, His awesomeness, His guidance, His hand on my life. (But I am scared, and I don’t want Him to touch my kids. Or my husband.)
I pray for my Jesus Christ to help me overcome this fear I have and to guide me into his loving, holly Presence. Thank you Lord.