Monday, February 8, 2010

Feeling scared.

I grew up in a large dysfunctional family, which made me be against having a lot of kids. After getting married and after I had my first child, my heart started to change in subtle ways. I fell in love with my little girls, and God showed me that children are blessings from him. I started to read about birth control and how it affects a woman’s body. How many of the birth control don’t prevent the actual pregnancy, but aborts the tiny embryo in its first stages of conceivemen, which makes a woman think that its just a period. Then God showed me in little gentle ways that he sees the souls of each tiny embryo that got unintentionally aborted. That really scared me. But I was still not fully convinced that God wants to be in charge of how many babies I get to have. He is the one who closes the womb and opens it. He is the one who creates the life, who breathes air into little lungs, and makes the heart beat.

Now with having my 3 girls, I am still scared to give the control to God. He knows my heart that I am terrified of giving birth to many children, to have a house full of them, scared of how people react to large families, or seeing a mother pregnant and her hands full with many more children.

So this is my prayer, for God to show me a way to true greatness, and to be a brave mother of many souls, if He is willing.....

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