Thursday, June 25, 2009
I dont want to work....
Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you; therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are all those who wait for him. (Isaiah 30:18)
Constant praying, constant petition to God.
'Help me, please can you hear me. I need you. I am in a dark place now, my soul is troubled. When will I see the light, when will I hear your voice, I need you, please hold me. Jesus, will I ever be out of this darkness, where I can see the light, and praise you?'
God wants us to praise him even in our darkest hour. He wants us to raise our hands to him in our neediest time. The constant prayer does miracles. Its is alive. Like the smoke that rises from the fire all the way to the heavens, that is our prayer the constant adding of wood into the main fire, and the cry rises to heavens to God above. I know God hears my prayer, but someday it seams that the heavens are deaf. No one can help me, or understand me. My husband is not on my side. Only God is. And I need his guidance, his wisdom in how to survive, in how to live. How to be happy in the times of troubles, how to raise my children when I am working full time.
That is one of my biggest worries, my kids. I am not there for them, I am gone from early morning to late evenings, earning money for our family to survive, to have a health insurance and helping my husband financially. What if my kids grow up mother deprived, and resent me for it the rest of their life? My heart is with my kids and not my job. Everyday I wish to stay with my girls, to love them, to care for them, to be home with them. My heart is breaking into little pieces.
'God please heal my broken heart.' My comfort is that in heavens when we all go to be with Jesus, there will not be heartache, he will wipe away all our tears. Someday I feel like a broken record that keeps playing the same old song over and over. My husband is sick of hearing it. I am sick of hearing it. I just wish things were better and different. I should stop wishing and just pray more.:))