happy and upset....

I am feeling upset today. Well first I felt very happy, but now I am upset, angry and confused. I am 19 weeks pregnant, and had my ultrasound today.... and yes, I am having a little baby boy! So I am beyond trilled, even though we knew we were having a boy long time ago, but its always nice to see your baby on the ultrasound as well. The doctor said everything looked great and that he will see me back for a follow up ultrasound visit in 8 weeks, and I drove home in a happy mood. Its pretty hot today, almost 97 degrees. When I got home, my doctor called back and said that he forgot to mention that my varicella test came back showing that I got re-infected with chicken pox, if that is even possible and that the baby may not grow as well as he hoped, and that he my develop a heart problem or an infection, and that I should come back in 2 weeks for a repeat ultrasound and to monitor the baby's heartbeat. I got mad, "what??" what percentage is there that baby will not grow normally? a very tiny percentage. What percentage is there that baby can develop a heart problem, or some kind of infection? A very tiny percentage. So why in the world am I supposed to come in earlier, and get all worried about this. I guess I am feeling irrational, and not thinking clearly. But what he told me made me upset. I wish I didn't have to think about this, but just concentrate on the beautiful healthy baby growing strong every day in my belly. Knowing that he will be OK, because he is in Gods hands. To trust God that everything will be just perfect. But it still makes me pretty upset. So there. I vented. I feel better now. The weather is still pretty hot, makes me sleepy. The girls are playing in the backyard, running under the sprinkles, enjoy the last days of summer heat.

So I feel happy like that pretty pink flower, and sad like a rocky shore by a cold lake.

God is in control no matter what!!

My life is hard sometimes. I am sure I am not the only one…The road gets tough. I complain, I cry, I rebel but nothing I do will change my circumstances until God chooses to change them for me. Knowing that He is the one in control gives me a sense of relief, of wonder and hope. For He is a loving father, and knows my hearts desire.

My health is not as it used to be. I work full time and my hearts desire is to be a stay at home mommy to my 3 little girls. My husband and I don’t see eye to eye on this subject. But knowing that it is in Gods hand, makes me feel better. He does have a bigger plan for everything in my life. I read a story somewhere recently about a lady who had cancer, and was told that she may not make it. She had lots of scars from all kinds of treatments, bald head from radiation.... in her story she said that everything that happens in our life is Gods way of teaching us to be better, stronger, and more christian in our walk with him. That every scar and every tear is a way for us to draw closer to God, to lean on him, to pray to him, for he is there for us no matter what. For everything that happens, there is a higher reason. A bigger plan that God unfolds.

I am learning to be content in every day life. With all its ups and downs. My most precious things in my life are my darling little girls, my husband, my health... and everything else are blessings that we are blessed with each minute of our life.

The other day I was dressing my 2 year old into a dress that my 5 year old used to wear, when she saw the dress she said to her sister.
-“you see Odelia, I used to wear that dress, now it got small, so you get to wear it, and then it will get even smaller and the baby will get to wear it as well.” Isn’t that just too cute?
I enjoy my little baby how she lifts her little chubby legs up in the air and lays there like that, tries to sit up …its hilarious. Kids are given to us as little blessings- to teach us more patience, to be more generous, less selfish, lets us be a better person, for we do try to model a better behavior so our kids would follow in our footsteps, as you know they copy everything...;)

Run away with me?

Do you feel like running away sometimes???

When we’re going through difficult times, it can be hard to see God at work in our life. Sometimes we begin to question whether He’s really paying attention to our prayers. Sometimes we begin to question if He even cares what we are going through.

If you’re going through a tough time in your life right now, I want to encourage you that God is hearing your prayers. He does care. And He really is there. You may even find that God is at work doing the most important work He’s ever done in your life. Keep looking up. Keep trusting in God to work things out for His glory. I am bad at looking up at God, when something troubling is happening in my life, I start to complain, I get upset, and I ask why do I have to endure this. Why does my life need these raging waters, my boat can barely stay afloat. Looking back at the storms in my life I am a bit ashamed of how I handled it, not so well... I am hoping with each storm I get stronger, and not weaker. I like the peaceful weather, the sun, the beautiful blue sky... no wind. Apparently, I don't grow in my life if I have good weather, but as soon as the hardship comes, I cry out to God and He is there for me to lean on. There is a song that goes somewhat like this: On darkest night, the stars shine brighter, when sorrow is close, God is even closer.

“In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence. I ask you, therefore, not to be discouraged because of my sufferings for you, which are your glory” (Ephesians 3:12-13).

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).

Whatever you’re facing today, keep putting your faith in Christ. Keep trusting Him that He will work all things for your good as you continue to love Him, no matter how hard it may seem at the time.