Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Years musings.

You probably heard about putting a theme on a new year, and a lot of people I know, they name their year. Even though the year has barely started but people already feel something in the air in how they feel the year will be. Some people hope for a good year, and they name their year something hopeful. Some say it wont be a good year, "what 2012? it sounds scary," so they name it or put a cloud over it, into possibly having a worry over their life, of not knowing, of being in stress or confusion. Some say that the new year cant bring anything good, with the economy how it is, with the health that they have, or the family problems some have. I always try to be hopeful. A hopeful year, of good beginnings, of good thoughts, of freedom from fear, stress, sadness or despair.

The first day of the year is always exciting and new. We all feel hopeful. But as soon as day four or day eight rolls around, we feel dragged down, tired, and emotional. At least that is how I feel. I pray to God that this would be a good year, but already fear and worry weight me down. I feel sadness engulfing me, surrounding me with blue thoughts, as the fog of everyday worry tends to give me bad dreams. Why is that? I struggle to pray rays of sunshine into my soul. I struggle to pray, period. Maybe this is what my new year will be called, "A year of learning to pray." For I feel like I am not fully committed to prayer, its here one day, lost the next. Maybe that is why the emotions of everyday life make me struggle to breathe, to smile, to love, to be light to this world of darkness.

So here I decided that this year would be a year of learning to pray. I had lots of years, with different names, like "learning to be married', 'learning to love your husband', 'finding happiness in everyday', 'being content in what you have', 'learning to be a mother', 'being a better mother', 'being positive, and less critical', 'learning to read the bible more', 'being a better christian', last year was 'seeking God', and this year will be 'learning to pray'.

I believe this will be a good year. A hopeful year. A year of learning and striving to be above the clouds, to fly like the birds, high above all worry, fear, and doubt. May God guide us into all the right beginnings, and the the right stages of life, where we can grow.

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