Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Marriage trouble.

We all go through marriage problems on and off. One day its better, and you feel loved and the next day you feel sad, and unloved and feel like the marriage has hit the rocks. I have been married for ten years and went through some tough years, with some moments thinking why I even married this man, maybe there is someone else who is better. A lot of us go through different stages in a married life.

In the first years of marriage I was lonely, and was upset that my husband didn't want to spend all his free time with me. Then I went through a stage where I was upset when he didn't show me acts of love in "my" way. I was blind to the acts of kindness and love that he was showing me in his own unique ways. Then I went through some months of disappointment in my husband, I thought he wasn't acting how he should be acting, so I tried to "explain" to him how he should act. I tried hard to change him to no avail, he wouldn't even badge. Sad to say I went through a lot of months, and possibly years in my marriage being frustrated and upset at him. There were a few issues we were going through and some of those issues still remain today, that made me really sad, angry and complaining when my husband did not see those issues as huge problems for our family.

Finally there was a time in my life, that I felt so unhappy, as tears streamed down my face, I sat and cried out to God. To help him heal my marriage, to change me, and make me be a better wife. That's when God started to change me, not my husband. He started to show me all the ways I tried to control my husband, all the times I complained, and He started to work on my heart.

I brought Him my loneliness and He filled me with peace.
I brought Him my sadness and He filled me with joy.
I gave Him all the family issues, and He promised to carry me through them all. He did not say he would remove them from my life, but that He would help me through the hard times, that he would carry me when I couldn't walk. I offered him my health, my children, my husband, my marriage.

I love the gentle ways God works in our life. He hand guiding us through the rough patches. I remember crying hard in the bathroom as I felt Him comfort me and fill me with His amazing presence. I am forever thankful in different ways He carried me in my marriage and filled it with hope and love.

He has removed the neediness, the clinging, the controlling nature and all the dirt to see the gold beneath all the tarnish. In Him alone I found true love, with which I was able to love my husband more. I found true happiness and joy.  In God alone. I still have a lot to learn, and there are days I fall back to my old ways and of course make myself miserable. I am glad we have God in our life, who lifts up our souls and helps us through the dark time in our marriage.

I pray that you find the same comfort in Him alone, and that He is the one who heals your marriage.

Here is a link to a  some nice advice on marriage as well from focus on the family.

Focus on the family- give your marriage to Jesus.


  1. Lena,
    This was an amazing article. At first, I was a little worried. But then as I kept reading, I thought, "Wow, this is the most wise and excellent advice,"; from your own heart and life having first proved it...wonderful. So often we expect a husband (baby, friend, etc., etc., etc.) to fill us, complete us, make us happy, and our husband to live up to our expectations, do things our way...
    Jesus Christ is our all in all. Giving our marriages to Christ and letting God work on me are two of the best marriage tips I've ever heard. Marriage definitely involves a daily dying to self, and living to Christ. (I don't have it mastered.) Thanks for a wonderful post. (I will come back to listen to the link from Focus on the Family:)
    Faith's Firm Foundation
    P.S. I'm writing a post in which I give you an award! Please stop by to pick it up!

  2. Lena-

    That was so touching. I agree with you that no marriage is perfect. How could I be? Two completely different people, raised by different parents, with different rules and priorities are joined together through marriage and they are supposed to get along some how.
    I have been married for 5 years, (will be 6 in March of next year) and it was so hard and it still is sometimes. It gets so hard when you think you can do everything yourself and kind of forget God. That happened to me this year.
    We had a particular situation where I was getting so frustrated with my husband, and finally I had a break down.
    After that I just let it go. It was just like a breath of fresh air. So much relief after I finally admitted to my self that I can’t control everything and not everything will be my way. That is very hard to someone like me the perfectionist who wants everything her way, LOL.

    God bless you and your family Lena.

    Rita Z


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