Tuesday, September 13, 2011

happy and upset....

I am feeling upset today. Well first I felt very happy, but now I am upset, angry and confused. I am 19 weeks pregnant, and had my ultrasound today.... and yes, I am having a little baby boy! So I am beyond trilled, even though we knew we were having a boy long time ago, but its always nice to see your baby on the ultrasound as well. The doctor said everything looked great and that he will see me back for a follow up ultrasound visit in 8 weeks, and I drove home in a happy mood. Its pretty hot today, almost 97 degrees. When I got home, my doctor called back and said that he forgot to mention that my varicella test came back showing that I got re-infected with chicken pox, if that is even possible and that the baby may not grow as well as he hoped, and that he my develop a heart problem or an infection, and that I should come back in 2 weeks for a repeat ultrasound and to monitor the baby's heartbeat. I got mad, "what??" what percentage is there that baby will not grow normally? a very tiny percentage. What percentage is there that baby can develop a heart problem, or some kind of infection? A very tiny percentage. So why in the world am I supposed to come in earlier, and get all worried about this. I guess I am feeling irrational, and not thinking clearly. But what he told me made me upset. I wish I didn't have to think about this, but just concentrate on the beautiful healthy baby growing strong every day in my belly. Knowing that he will be OK, because he is in Gods hands. To trust God that everything will be just perfect. But it still makes me pretty upset. So there. I vented. I feel better now. The weather is still pretty hot, makes me sleepy. The girls are playing in the backyard, running under the sprinkles, enjoy the last days of summer heat.
So I feel happy like that pretty pink flower, and sad like a rocky shore by a cold lake.

1 comment:

  1. Lena, I am so happy for you, and on your healthy baby boy! You dont need that extra stress thinking 'what if' . God is our healer, and our miracle maker. I am sure you will be just fine, and DONT WORRY!!!! The baby will be just perfect, you just have to trust in the Lord. May He give you the wisdom and strength to think positively.


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